Posts Tagged ‘learning to say no’

What is it about women; they have the hardest time saying NO.  I used to be that way, but not anymore.  I learned there is real personal power in saying NO and not always doing what other’s ask of you.

Look, the reality is more than likely you are overworked, stressed out and at your wits end.  The requests pour in faster than you can keep up.  Your family demands your time, your job and coworkers demand your time and if you are an entrepreneur, well you understand the demands all too well.

The secret to getting rid of the feelings of overwhelm and dread is to learn to say NO to new commitments and to stop feeling guilty about it.

Want more time for what’s important?  Want to know how I did it?  Then keep reading and learn my simple tips to learn to say “NO” and mean it!

Tip #1:  Be Polite and Firm

There is no reason to be a b—ch about it!  A simple, “I’m sorry I can’t do this right now” is perfect.  You don’t need to be overly apologetic or defensive which is typically what newbie Noers do.  You vacillate between feeling bad that you have to say NO, to feeling angry that someone else is infringing on your life.

The trouble is it really is your own fault that you feel this way; when if you start learning to say NO you will see you reduce the stress and the burden of always being put upon.  Remember, you teach people how you want to be treated.  Standing in your power and saying NO is a way to show others that you are not at everyone’s beck and call.

Tip #2:  Don’t Justify Your Answer

In the beginning the people who ask the most will ask for an explanation.  You don’t owe them one!  I repeat, you don’t owe them one!

Recently, I was asked to be a speaker at an event.  I looked over my business plan for the year and new that it didn’t fit with my overall marketing plan.  I graciously thanked the person who asked me to speak and declined.  I didn’t justify the NO in any way, shape or form…and you don’t need to either.

A simple, “It doesn’t fit into my schedule” is a perfectly acceptable response.

If they push for a reason just repeat, “It doesn’t fit into my schedule.”  If they keep pushing walk away if you have too – they’ll get the message.

Tip #3: You Can Think About It

You might be uncomfortable with the idea of answering NO immediately.  If you want time to review your schedule, or think about whether this is something you want to do just say, “I need to check my schedule; I’ll get back to you.”

But remember you need to close the loop and get back to the person as soon as possible.  If you must decline in an email, that’s ok.

Most importantly, this tactic helps you avoid letting yourself be pressured into over scheduling your life and taking on too much stress.

Tip #4:  Remember To Take Time For You

There are only so many hours in the day.  This means whatever you choose to take on limits your ability to do other things. So even if you somehow can fit a new commitment into your schedule, if it’s not more important than what you would have to give up to do it (including time for relaxation and self care), you really don’t have the time in your schedule.

Taking time for you is one of the most important parts in learning to say NO.  When you give yourself the space to stand in your power, you are giving yourself the best gift of all.  Say NO and mean it and start feeling in control of your life!